So either life is going to get really, really bad very soon, or this is a rollover blessing from last week's pain. Either way, the last few days have been awesome. Nothing really life-changing has happened - the guys who seemed to hate me before still avoid me, and life continues in the same flow... but it feels different. I feel like I could run to the top of the mountain and back down again, shout the gospel from the housetops, and do anything at all without fear or looking back.
But along with the euphoria of knowing that I'm doing the right things and that God is involved in my life, there's something else. Like the silence before the rain begins pelting, or the stillness before the wind rushes through the trees. I feel like the wind is blowing, right before a massive storm. Something is going to happen. I feel like everything could change tomorrow - like I could wake up and nothing would be the same. Granted, that may or may not be a pleasant experience when it happens, but I can feel it coming.
It's like standing at the edge of a precipice, knowing that I'm going to have to jump into the abyss, or walking towards the shadow of a familiar, lighted terrace, unsure if the next step will even have solid ground to catch my fall. It could be something awesome that changes my life forever... or it could be something awful that has the same effect. But at least I have fair warning, or something like that... and I know that God is with me, and that He is in the wind.
I think that feeling the winds of change is one of the greatest sources of hope in my life. It equalizes me with my dreams, and reopens the doors and windows that circumstances had long since locked shut. Somehow, anything is possible, and hope springs up like a fountain... and I end up smiling for most of the day and week for no reason at all.
True hope comes from a knowledge of the power of the Atonement... and a belief in what it can do in my life. The world often expects me to be 'reasonable' or 'practical' in my beliefs, and sometimes I am. But when the winds of change blow, and for a moment I see eternity and all its glory laid out in front of me, reason and practicality get tossed to the wind... and I become yet again a hopeless romantic - an optimistic idealist who honestly believes that anything is possible.
I don't know what tomorrow holds... but I'm excited to see. It's probably going to entail massive commitments, oncredible blessings, and a ton of hard work and pain. Either way, I have the promise that "all things work together for the good of them that love God and serve Him..." and "all these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good." The winds of change are blowing... and I can hear His voice in the wind.